My Favorite Quote:

"There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on."

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Good Enough

I read a running quote today:
"It is not the level of achievement or the numbers attached to a PR.  It is the size of our hearts.  It is what we do in those moments when all hope seems lost and we are confronted with a choice to give up or keep trying.  It is what we learn about ourselves through those dire circumstances that gives us the courage and strength to conquer the other challenges and hills in our lives."

It's been tough not running.  I want to throw in the towel, but I have people in my life that are going through greater challenges than I am right now and I am telling them to push through.  I am embarrassed that I've even sunk into this depression about not being able to run.  I feel like a wild horse that's been broke.  I'm in complete submission.  I don't feel that light or spirit anymore.  I used to wake up at 5:30am, lace up my shoes, and hit the pavement without question.  Now, I sleep in and lack the motivation to even care that I am not out there consuming miles.

I asked a good running buddy of mine "Why is this so hard?"  I've been through a handful of "hard" experiences in my life and through them I've learned patience and compassion.  Not running is hardly one of those hard experiences, but it is a part of me.  And it is currently MIA.  It's ironic that this same buddy posted today "Do you ever think that maybe, just maybe, we take training a little too seriously around here?"  Excellent point my friend.  I haven't taken this very gracefully and through it I've managed to tick some people off.  I've always believed that there is a reason for everything and with this I try to learn from it and gain new perspective AND stop taking this all so seriously.  It is all just a crazy journey anyway!

One day I hope to run without so much drama and struggle.  Man, that would be pretty cool.  For today, I will take 3.1 miles and call it good enough.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Rock Bottom

Well, the plan was to immediately transition from running the Chicago Lakefront 50/50 to training for the Walt Disney World Marathon 2012.  I had the training plan up on the refrigerator and ready to go!  I went into "therapeutic" mode this week to recover from Chicago.  My recovery was to be "active" and easy this week.

I went in to get my "orthotics of doom" looked at.  They were shaved down a bit and I decided to just walk a couple hours in them.  Sadly, everything flared up again and my knee started to hurt - something new.  I took them out and ended up with a limp for the next two days.  I really couldn't be more heart broken.  I have done everything right with my training, nutrition, and strength workouts.  It just doesn't make sense that I am so injured.  It took everything I had just to accept not being able to run the 50K, but now I am looking at not running Disney and this was to be run with my little brother.  This was my rock bottom.

I should have known better when I chose my theme song for Disney - "No Leaf Clover" by Metallica.  I was feeling a bit sarcastic at the time regarding the "soothing light turned freight train" lyrics.  It occurred to me that this song selection was a message to myself.  So, I called my brother this morning from a parking lot.  I told him I wasn't going to run Disney.  I'll be lucky if I can walk normal at this point.  I tried to get on the elliptical and it hurt my sprained ankle.  Then I tried a spin class and it freaked out my plantar faciitis.  I mean, come on!  I guess I can get on an erg and row for cardio, but it seems to me that I can't do anything.

After I got off the phone with my brother, I was having one of those awful parenting moments when your children are screaming in the car seats behind you and you can't get them to stop.  So, I did what any severely injured runner/mother of crazy toddlers would do.  I cried.  I can't say it helped.  So, I did what any runner would do...I went running shoe shopping.

I needed a pair of shoes that I trusted and that were not selected based on my injuries.  I looked at a pair that my mentor recommended - Saucony Kinvara.  I had considered them back in my minimalist days and I thought they had too much cushion.  Today, they had less cushion then what I've been running in.  I sat and stared at them while my boys screamed and tore up the store.  The sales guy sat down next to me and asked me what I was training for.  I said "I just gave up Disney."  He asked about my injuries - not to diagnose or anything, but to listen to me.  I told him there was no short version of my story.  He listened well and told me about his own injuries and about how his boys are the same age difference as mine.  We laughed as my boys slowly destroyed the place.  It felt good to talk to another runner.

Later tonight I received a text from my friend Anja.  She asked when I was running the NYC marathon.  I told her I was slotted for 2014.  You get rejected for 3 years and then get in on the 4th when you register for NYC.  She said she is in!  Then we decided to line up my Vegas marathon sooner :-)  It made me feel better.  I might not be running now.  But I will be again.  And it's fun to see that my "people" are still very excited about my journey.