My Favorite Quote:

"There is an inner beauty about a woman who believes in herself, who knows she is capable of anything that she puts her mind to. There is a beauty in the strength and determination of a woman who follows her own path, who isn't thrown off by obstacles along the way. There is a beauty about a woman whose confidence comes from experiences; who knows she can fall, pick herself up, and move on."

Sunday, April 29, 2012

One for me...

I forward a lot of motivational quotes to my runners each week.  Secretly, this one is for me today.  After watching Eric run his first half with a lot of pride yesterday, I found it hard to be amongst so many runners and not be one of them.  I feel no improvement in my foot yet, but I am always hoping for the best :)

"God, grant me the serenity to accept when I cannot run; the courage to run when I can; and the wisdom to know the difference."

- Josh Cox (US 50k record holder)

Saturday, April 21, 2012

And So It Begins...

"Obstacles are put in your way to see if what you want is really worth fighting for."
I had a second MRI on my ankle this past week.  I anxiously awaited the results hoping they would find something this time.  I received news yesterday via voice mail that they did find something.  I have a stress reaction (about to fracture) on my talus bone.  I am happy they found this, but I am nervous that this is not the golden answer to all my foot problems.  I want so badly to believe that if we rehab this, that it will all be better.  I've been in pain for so long that I don't know what it's like to not be in pain anymore.

I had a trainer friend say to me tonight "Erin, give me two months and I will get you running.  I just want you to run.  I'm tired of hearing that you aren't."  I'd love for him to have at me with all of his mobility voodoo.  I'm so tired though.  It's exhausting.  I don't even want to go to the doctor anymore.  I don't want to coach.  I don't want to run... 

I'm in a runner's depression.  It sucks.  It sucks to not be able to run with my runners.  It sucks to coach from a bike.  It sucks to watch your friends go and run really cool races while all you can do it plummet into the depths of zero aerobic capacity.  It just plain sucks to have an ability that you can't execute on.

I used to be a runner.  But not only that, I was a fast runner.  I could head out for a run and get it all out of my system.  I have no outlet now.  UGH!

So, starting Monday, I will find out what my treatment plan is and I will most likely wear a boot for 6 weeks.  I'm not sure what that will leave me with.  I know the important thing is to remember that I am not the only injured runner out there.  I hope there will be a day when I can enjoy a run without any pain.  I hope I can run my next race.

Well, I guess we will see what happens now...

Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Therapy Session

This blog has seemingly become my new version of therapy.  I went to the new foot doctor yesterday.  He has no idea what is wrong with my foot, but I'm sure he is capable of figuring it out over the course of time.  He didn't say to stop running.  I really wanted him to.  I don't want to run anymore.  It hurts.

I had my first moment of fatigue in 3 years last weekend as I ran with my Team Challenge group.  I got winded on a 4 miler.  I haven't been winded on a 4 miler in a very long time.  My endurance is gone.  It's been hard.  I tried for a 5K last night with the new metpads that the doc gave me.  It didn't feel that great.  Maybe it will get better.  I don't know.

I read a quote today that somewhat upset me:
"The Marathon is not about the race, it's about commitment... It's not about instant gratification, it's about endurance. It's not about the thrill, it's about passion. To run a marathon, you need to not only commit to the sport, you need to commit to yourself. In short, to run a marathon, you need to be a runner."

I miss being a runner.  I miss my long run therapy.  I miss my marathons.  Anything less just isn't me.  This feels like it will never end...

Sunday, April 1, 2012

Self Preservation

So, everything lately has been a complete FAIL.  The workouts, the runs, the plans....  I have sunk to a new low with this flipping injury.  I can hardly walk anymore and it is now affecting my job as a running coach.  So, recently I was hired as a half marathon training coach for a race in California.  It is a really cool job.  I love everything about it.  I was working with a podiatrist and chiro to figure out how to get through the training so that I can continue with the job.  But, it is not looking good and I am now considering not being able to coach for this event.  I am pretty beat up over this.  But, I have to heal and apparently now is the time.

I have found a new podiatrist and will see him on Tuesday.  He is extremely involved in the running community.  He is a marathoner himself.  He has been a speaker at the Boston Marathon expo - seriously cool.  He does gait analysis of his patients.  Speaking of which, my gait sucks.  I have a problem that I can't seem to fix and I fix people's gait for my job.  Sadly, no other doctor has ever asked to see me run.  Not only that, but I have video of me running and could bring it to them and take two seconds to review.  I believe this to be a huge part of my problem, yet no one seems to care.  I will demand this guy care.  I'm bringing the video on Tuesday.  Along with my two pairs of orthodics, my current running shoes, and the shoes I wish I was running in.

I will also have my first DNS (did not start) of my life at Brookings in May.  In the running world, a DNS is worse than a DNF.  All in the name of self-preservation though, right?